Currently…

I’ve had on my agenda “brainstorm blog plan” or “write blog post” countless times since my last post in March.  It’s a season, I know.  Busy busy.

But when it comes down to it, I want to do it perfectly.  I don’t want to admit it, but I am a perfectionist and I subscribe to the “go big or go home” mentality.  I want to have a plan, execute it, have perfect connected images and links.

But what I need to do is just show up.

If I want to express myself through writing, I need to hang up the towel of the expectations of others.  Why am I so concerned about what people think of my writing?  What my stats were on each post?

In my current discovery with Krissie, I had some major a-ha’s about my ideas wrapped up around exercise.  I want to “go big or go home” with exercise too.  I want people to think that just because I’m not your “average” sized gal, doesn’t mean I can’t do that too.  Yoga?  Used to go to class as the biggest gal in the room to prove a point. Half-Marathon?  Done.  I was more fit than I am now, but it was just as much the point of being a bigger gal out there as it was checking it off that list.

At the end of the day, I’ve realized a few things.

My action or lack thereof comes down to my motives.

I want to work out to feel strong, to be a good example for my family (current and the family to come) and to have confidence that comes from doing hard things.

I want to write to express my creativity and use words and get part of what’s going on in my head into another format that may or may not give me the feedback that my journal can (and to relieve my beau from hearing it exclusively).

I’ve been loosely following Momastary and her writing for a while now and she had a remarkable post today about this encounter with Donald Miller and then a guest post on his blog.  That is where this is coming from.  I’m showing up.  I don’t need more time.  I don’t need to be perfect.

I just need to show up.  Imperfectly.

I’m showing up here.  Showing up by taking walks at lunch.  Carving out time to journal. Sleeping more on days my body is telling me I need the rest.  Show up.  Show up in your life.

I just need to show up.  Imperfectly.  But not just in the tangibles.

Show up in your relationships.  Don’t wait for the perfect scenario.  I showed up in some emails that needed to be sent earlier this week that I’d been procrastinating on for weeks. Within minutes, there was resolution, clarity and hope in some situations that I’d been challenged on for some time.

Just show up.  Be real.

 

just show up.  imperfectly.  no filter.  no makeup.  just me.  showing up.

just show up. imperfectly. no filter. no makeup. just me. showing up.

 

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