I was telling the Beau earlier today how I needed to update my blog becuase I was behind.
His reply–”You aren’t behind. You are only where you are.”
So true. How many times in life we get frustrated becuase we aren’t where we wish to be when in reality, we are simply where we are…
Good words, Lew. Thank you.
The Day after we got engaged, this song was sang at Crossroads. I couldn’t stop sobbing (imagine that)!
Enjoy
I don’t get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me hereAnd where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I knowThat I am
I am
I am
The luckiestWhat if I’d been born fifty years before you
In a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I’d be outside as you passed on your bike
Would I know?And in a white sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I knowThat I am
I am
I am
The luckiestI love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you
Next door there’s an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
And passed awayI’m sorry, I know that’s a strange way to tell you that I know we belong
That I knowThat I am
I am
I am
The luckiest
Once I wiped the river of tears that were flowing, I read was was taped onto the bottom of the page with the following: “PS-Quiz time: How many months until we get married? Flip a page for each.”
After flipping 5 pages, I fond another note that said: ” Exactly right! Give or take how many days is that?” I was then instructed to flip to page #150.
Upon my arrival at page 150 I found this note “Perfect! Since we’ve been together, we’ve done a complete…what?” (the heart was covered up–the bottom said, “please remove”)
Upon finding the heart that was carved into the journal, all the little cut-out hearts that had been gracing the pages prior made sense. After asking what to do next, Lewie said, well, go to where the heart stops….and of course, it was on page 180. We HAVE done a complete 180.
This is what I found when I arrived there. At that point, Lewie got down on one knee and asked me to marry him.
Boy oh boy…the tears have barely stopped flowing since then. What a ride it has been and how thankful and blessed I am to be reminded of God’s faithfulness to us and his unconditional love for us!
Lewie and I have this book. This journal. Yes, it was my idea to start it–to chronicle our pre-married days with notes, ticket stubs, letters back and forth while we’ve been apart.
Lew tends to hold it hostage and take a month to get it back to me (love you babe 
).
Saturday morning he showed up at my door way earlier than I was expecting him that morning with journal in hand. I was still in my pajamas.
Here is the entry from his heart (get the tissues, folks). Come back tomorrow for what happened once I finished reading this. (PS–I have permission to post this. )
Dearest,
I have had this book of ours for entirely too long, I must now depart with it. Sorry it took so long to respond as I’ve been in a bit of a writer’s block on what exactly to place within these pages and other various reasons that may one day reveal themselves. With that being said, on to the ‘journal entry’ portion of my turn with the book:
These last few months have been exciting as always, sometimes nerve-racking and stomach upsetting — with the house search and all, I’m sure you could agree. It was two-fold, both exciting as we endeavored to move forward with our commitment to one another and also quite debilitating in that, we were unsuccessful. We’ve had a great trip to Ikea; spotting items that could potentially one day fill our home but these are just things. How does the old saying go: The best things money can buy are just things…? So, I try not to get too wrapped up in what will fill our home but what fuels our home and at the end of the day, the feeling not filling. We are looking for simple, cozy, essential and natural; pieces from those we love and pieces from those who have loved. A home is more than the stuff that occupies it and I think we both agree, filling it with pieces that were created with love and those that have been loved by others is a true sign of your home’s character.
I look forward to many, many more days with you. Whether we are together physically or continue our progress toward being mentally, spiritually and emotionally bonded in each other’s absence — it is lofty to believe that we will be together every day for the rest of our days physically but I have no doubts that we will always share a bond that is thicker than any sort of distance. In my insensitivity, I’ve loved the days and weeks we’ve been apart, they are strength. It is easy to be together every day or whenever we feel the need to be by each other’s side but it takes true romance and love to find distance a catalyst for what has driven this thing from the get-go, we are bonded on another level. Not to say there is no one else out there with whom I could see myself (and I’m sure you can imagine the same, at least I hope you can), there are far too many amazing women with which I may have a connection but there is only one woman I truly see myself wanting to hold hands with in my old age. Only one woman I want to wipe away tears and cuddle up to on lazy days. You, with your red hair and casually-beautiful smile, the laugh that destroys any barriers I could put up, the way you sunburn easily and the sweet caress you apply me when I need it most. Your fascination with lip gloss and tidiness, your organized ways and the way you remind me that Jesus is a friend and placater of my sins, not a burden and source of my guilt. The way you pray at meals and hold my hand while I drive, your humoring my musical eccentricity and the way you’ve come so far from where you’ve been. You are my definition of true character. I knew the first time I heard your voice that I could love you forever, it tugged at my heart strings which hadn’t been played for a long time; I was cold and you warmed me, I was ashamed and you loved me, I needed love not judging and you hugged me tightly. You are my best friend and confidant. You are the reason I hear kids laugh and birds sing, you reminded me that something larger than anything I could fake was wiping away my transgressions and giving me back my youthful essence. I know it sounds cheesy and all romantic-comedy but you do make me want to be a better man, for you, our children and for future generations. I want to be one half of the tie that bonds, not the weaker link.
These days, I’m just kinda drinking up what it means to be single and getting prepared for what it means to be part of a bigger whole. In all honesty, sometimes I think about how much I appreciate the ‘freedom’ involved in being single. It is harder for an only child, I think. Kids with siblings have it easier as they are more accustomed to being around someone fairly near their age, spending years together, learning about fights/arguments and the healing that takes place afterward. So it is a learning process and I’m prepared to take the steps needed to learn what being around someone else all the time truly means. It isn’t always going to be easy because we’ve both been so only-child like for so long, it will be a process to undo. At the end of the day, when the thoughts of ‘freedom’ have passed and the image of you & I together comes into mind, it is all the sweeter. We will find freedom in one another, solace in our arrangements of living and the passion needed to press forward when things get tough. This is going to be exciting and a definite learning experience, you don’t see too many only-child couples these days, what we’ll be lacking in blood aunts & uncles for our kids, we’ll make up for with great friends that are probably closer than blood in most cases. So, although I’ve known the single-life and ‘freedom’ for so long, I doubt I’ll miss anything, including the thought of, ‘what if we hadn’t started this journey together’.
I know you’ve been waiting to become a fiance for quite some time and my apologies for taking so long, a few unforeseen events (like a house) kept me from spending the money I’ve wanted so dearly to part with. I want to let you know that I’m aware of your need for time to plan, I really am. One of these days, Baby, it will happen — you have my word. I want it to be a surprise for you and me. In my own selfishness, I want that moment when it happens to be spectacular for both of us, it just doesn’t seem right to plan and plan for what should be a mysterious and magical moment. I hear all these guys say, ‘I want her to be completely shocked and awed’ but truthfully, I want to be as shocked and awed. I am a guy as I’m sure you’ve noticed, but deep down a true romantic is my truest self. But anyway, enough about that.. I don’t want it to turn into a sore subject while you wait for me to make a move and you remain bombarded by the folks on your side of the fence. I am sorry for any and all delays….
Enough of the sad and gloomy, this entry was supposed to remain light-hearted and hopefully remind you why you’ve waited around for a guy like me, oh so patiently. I’m slow to propose and one can only imagine the terms you’d use to distinguish my uncanny ability to hold onto this book for WAY past my due date. If I were getting a grade, I’d surely fail on both accounts. I hope you find some relief in the words and images I try to convey, where we’ve been and where we are going as my main goal is to transport you via the vehicle of my written words. Sometimes they are serious and sometimes comedic but only to me, really… I hope they land gently on your lips as you read aloud or drift softly into your heart as you say each one silently to yourself. My only real hope is that if nothing else, you know that I love you, beyond rings and houses, beyond the good times we’ve had and the future bad times, through the thick and thin, when I’m acting less than my age and reacting with far less than my heart’s true feelings. Drink up these moments, the times apart and the moments together, these are just a small drop in the pool of life we’ll share. In the simplest of terms, I want my bathing suit hanging on the clothesline next to nobody but yours. C’mon, let’s take a swim…
I can’t wait to give our folks the grandkids they want and deserve. Reading bedtime stories and scaring away monsters from under the bed, filling up favorite cups and cutting crusts off sammiches. I know we are a few years off on the kids, if outlines stand to truth, and if not, I will gladly be a Dad earlier than anticipated. If it in God’s good plan that we’d be blessed sooner than we’d planned, God is good. If it takes longer, the same remains true. It is out of our hands and I generate a certain bit of peace with that actually. I do know that I want to learn to braid hair (better), how to match clothes and the differences between little boys and girls — physical aside, I got that much. While we teach them reading and spelling and outsourcing the math, of course. Capitals of states and the difference between their, they’re and there (because no kid of ours is going to be going around writing, ‘I was their when they’re dog came to chase there cat.’ — not happening). I want them to love different music and different points of view, to understand the difference between right and wrong, or at least be able to fake it in front of the right people. To know God is good for them, to not blindly accept religion that is forced down their throat but to ask why they need hope, faith and to understand the whole purpose of wanting to be under God’s great wings.
But, I will end there, I’m sure I’ve wrote enough. I hope I haven’t disappointed and somewhat stayed on the light side of things. I just want to convey one simple message if this is the only line you read: I’m much happier with you in my life than I was without you — I have no worries or concerns over where we’ve been and where we’re going.
With love,
Sincere apologies for my delay on this,
Yours,
-Lewie
What a whirlwind life has been lately.
God is forever faithful however and sends reminders of that daily.
Like getting an apartment in two days when I wasn’t sure where I was going to live in June.
And having the promise of a proposal from the man who has turned my world around 180 degrees.
That’s right. Stay tuned for the details.
I was almost a Hokie. That’s right. My guidance counselor practically forced me to fill out the application and I was accepted.
My life did not take me to Blacksburg, yet there is an undeniable connection living so close to the campus for 18 years.
My heart broke 2 years ago today at the tragedy, but a resounding spring of hope came through Nikki Giovanni’s words spoken.
We are Virginia Tech.
We are sad today, and we will be sad for quite a while. We are not moving on, we are embracing our mourning.
We are Virginia Tech.
We are strong enough to stand tall tearlessly, we are brave enough to bend to cry, and we are sad enough to know that we must laugh again.
We are Virginia Tech.
We do not understand this tragedy. We know we did nothing to deserve it, but neither does a child in Africa dying of AIDS, neither do the invisible children walking the night away to avoid being captured by the rogue army, neither does the baby elephant watching his community being devastated for ivory, neither does the Mexican child looking for fresh water, neither does the Appalachian infant killed in the middle of the night in his crib in the home his father built with his own hands being run over by a boulder because the land was destabilized. No one deserves a tragedy.
We are Virginia Tech.
The Hokie Nation embraces our own and reaches out with open heart and hands to those who offer their hearts and minds. We are strong, and brave, and innocent, and unafraid. We are better than we think and not quite what we want to be. We are alive to the imaginations and the possibilities. We will continue to invent the future through our blood and tears and through all our sadness.
We are the Hokies.
We will prevail.
We will prevail.
We will prevail.
We are Virginia Tech.
Been a while since a post, but this describes where I am right now. Hope you can take a few minutes to remember that perspective is everything!
“Do you have doubts about life? Are you unsure if it is really worth the trouble? Look at the sky: that is for you. Look at each person’s face as you pass them on the street: those faces are for you. And the street itself, and the ground under the street, and the ball of fire underneath the ground: all these things are for you. They are as much for you as they are for other people. Remember this when you wake up in the morning and think you have nothing. Stand up and face the east. Now praise the sky and praise the light within each person under the sky. It’s okay to be unsure. But praise, praise, praise.”
Miranda July from the book, ‘No one belongs here more than you‘
I’m coming back to an inbox full of emails and a BUSY day of work, but my heart is dying to share just a bit of what was learned in Camden. Here is a post written by our team leader about our week that will be shared on the Urban Promise blog. Stay tuned for more about our trip!
What an amazing week we all have had here in Camden. For some of us it was our first trip in. For others, our second, third, forth, and fifth time in the city. Regardless of the number of times we had been to the city, we were challenged by what we saw, the kids we interacted with, and our role in it all. As college students, we are trying to figure out our calling in life–our vocation. Coming to Camden has opened our eyes a little more to the needs of a broken city, a broken world, and a broken people. Each of us have been wrestling with the questions, “Why are there cities like Camden?” “How do you change the odds for the children who live in this city?” “What is our role?” and “What are things we have learned from UP and the city to take back to our own communities to serve both those who live in our immediate communities and those who live in Camden?” As our week comes to a close we are left with more questions than answers–but maybe that is where we are supposed to be–questioning…searching…
From scraping paint off the trim of a building to getting beat in Connect Four by an eleven year old we have encountered both the beauty and brokenness of humanity. From the heart-breaking stories of the lives of the children to the joy-filled laughter as we played together on the playground we have had the opportunity to experience something life-changing–something Holy.
A first timer on our trip looked at me the first day we were here and said, “Urban Promise is a place that you know has been blessed by God”. Thank you Urban Promise for allowing us to come and be a small part of something amazing– of something that changes the lives of all who are involved– of something sacred.
